Caretaker Stress
Providing care for a loved one who can no longer care for themselves is an increasingly common experience for many people. The large aging population of the baby boomer generation coupled with growing costs of private care and lack of resources makes becoming a caretaker a likely possibility for many. A 2018 NIH study found that an estimated 41.8 million adults care for someone aged 50 or older, and 48% of these are caring for a parent.
Taking on this responsibility is a selfless act, and can have rewards. It may provide an opportunity to connect with a loved one in a new and tender way. Spiritually one may feel profound peace and purpose through the act of service to another and giving of one's self. Working through feelings related to your loved one can provide the opportunity to gain deep understanding and healing of yourself and your relationship to the one you are caring for.
Along with meaningful benefits of being a caretaker, those in need of part, or full-time care can be challenging, both physically and emotionally. The caregiver is often tasked with taking over all ADL's: activities of daily living. This often includes chores and errands, bathing, toileting, dressing, and household management including cleaning, laundry and cooking. The caregiver may be required to use physical strength to assist the loved one to ambulate.
Caregivers often coordinate and manage a loved one's medical appointments, medications and transportation. Caregivers often experience financial stress due to loss of income and inability to work as they may have in the past. There may be family conflict, or the caregiver may have little support.
The loved one may have cognitive changes from dementia or a stroke, which can cause changes in personality. The loved one may exhibit volatile emotions. They may use profanity, or lash out at their caregiver. The loved one may seem ungrateful, and may even forget who you are at times. Some individuals with dementia are at risk of wandering, and may require vigilance to ensure their safety.
The stressors of caretaking can "add up" over time, and caregivers may find themselves experiencing burn out, isolation, loneliness, fatigue, guilt, helplessness, anger or resentment. Many caregivers feel a sense of guilt or shame for having these feelings, which can exacerbate levels of stress.
In addition, experiencing chronic stress is a health risk due to elevation of the hormone cortisol, which can lead to a variety of problems including mood changes and disorders, gastrointestinal issues, fatigue, and a higher risk of chronic health problems such as cardiovascular disease. Stress can manifest gradually and a caregiver may not realize its effects until symptoms are significant. Ignoring symptoms only makes them worse.
What can be done to minimize the stress of caretaking?
· Acknowledge that assuming the caretaker role is not only extremely challenging, it is brave. It may be the hardest role you ever take on in your life. Allow yourself the grace of being human. You are entitled to your feelings, and you are not perfect. You deserve acknowledgement, even if it just from yourself; that your actions are deeply loving, selfless, and kind.
· Care for yourself as you are caring for others. Adequate sleep, eating properly, hydrating, and tending to your own medical needs are good places to start. Moderate your use of alcohol and other substances, and watch out for signs of dependency.
· Develop as much balance in your life as you can. Seek out connection with other people as much as possible. Spending time with others is one of the most important things you can do to reduce stress of any kind. Creating a routine or daily structure can be helpful; setting aside time for yourself when you can read, rest, listen to music, learn something new, find or practice a hobby, or spend time outside. Exercise can be very helpful. Find ways to play and have fun.
· Explore respite care resources. Family members, trusted friends, or paid sitters can provide a break so you may have some time to yourself to recharge and rest. Many communities have adult daycare centers that provide respite for caregivers.
· Seek professional help if you find you are struggling. Therapy can provide a safe, nonjudgemental place to find support, to learn new ways of coping, and to develop insight into your caretaker experience. If you are unable to go to a therapist's office, teletherapy and in-home therapy may be available to you.
Resources for Caretakers
Family Caregiver Alliance National Alliance for Caregiving
National Institute on Aging Alzheimer's Foundation of America
Catherine M. Lee, LCSW
cmleetherapy.com
Email: cmleelcsw@cmleetherapy.com
Phone: 703.967.5185
